The Dreaded DNF
I have a weird type of ADHD that requires being a completist in a select few tasks, one being reading books. Even if the book is absolute garbage & I’ve given it too many chances, sometimes I just have to finish. I just HAVE to know if it will get any better, though most of the time it doesn’t :_). I sat down & journaled the other day about why I have such a toxic relationship with what I call “The Dreaded DNF (did not finish)” . Here are my findings:
Why do I have such a hard time DNF’ing?
The primary thing I feel is guilt. If I walk away from a book I already invested time or money in, than I see myself as a failure & see that time & money wasted, when, as a freelance musician, these things are hard to come by!
Not every book I read is going to have a profound impact on me. If I only read or focus on what I like, then I shut myself out of so many different points of view that only round me out & keep me informed.
Some of these books I end up not liking are ones that I have been waiting months for. It feels like a disservice to myself to not see it through. Who am I to let the book win? I must finish you, I say!
Then I thought about another part of my life journey I am on. I am attempting to downsize my life by 50% by the end of this year, which has required me to become intentional about what parts of my many, many collections I actually want to keep, one of those being books. Perhaps I enabled myself, but I split the books I haven’t read into two categories: ones that will most definitely be staying in my collection forever, & a healthy pile of books that I absolutely positively MUST get rid of after I am done reading them. There are maybe 30 books in that pile, & how many have I gotten to? One, & I ended up keeping it because I loved it so much (Island Fruit Remedy by Rich Shapero). So now, I have to look again inside myself, convincing myself that DNF’ing isn’t a crime & that everyone does it.
Choosing to DNF a book doesn’t mean I can’t take away a lesson from it. I DNF’d the world famous The Let Them Theory & learned that saying “let them” didn’t work for me because it didn’t match the plan I had to step into my power. I’m now reading The Happiness Advantage instead based on a recommendation from fans of The Let Them Theory & I’m already noticing improvements.
When I DNF a book, it doesn’t mean I wasted my time on it. I DNF’d Higher Magic by Courtney Floyd 100 pages away from the end because the plot dragged on for too long. The time I did spend with the book, however, was very moving. Differently abled college students could do magic & more importantly had a professor that respected their accommodations. Seeing that representation in cozy fantasy literature? I call that a win!
I only let the book win if I choose to let it win. Choosing to step away from something that isn’t serving me is so empowering in other areas, so why can’t it be just as empowering when I close a book & say “this isn’t serving me right now, so I am going to give my precious time to another one.”
The Happiness Advantage has me working a lot on reframing, so I’ll end my rambling with this affirmation: “When I choose to DNF a book, I can still learn something about myself from it. My time & money are limited, so spending both intentionally is important. It is OK to DNF to conserve those resources, & there is no better book to DNF than a library book because it costs me nothing.”
That’s all folks! Keep DNF’ing!
